It's a crucial night tonight.

stay strong, and dont lose the faith.

let's do it

So recently my friends have been asking me lots of why's, "why haven't you been playing games with us?", "why haven't you watch soccer with us for so long", it's not that i'm not interested or i am intentionally doing that, just that my passion currently lies with someone whom i think is worth putting on.

"We tried to fuck and instead,

we wound up making love."

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I know this line is weird but, this has got to be one of the best lines ever.

Someone left me before, scarred.

And since then I never felt the same again.

I've got to be honest, there are things that I haven't gotten over in my life, and a small fraction of it I will never get over with, it kind of sucks when you keep having nightmares of those incidents, it's like a broken record that keeps on playing and you don't know how to stop it at all.

On a brighter note, today is an eventful day, I celebrated a friend's 21st, I like birthday parties even thou I consider myself not a socialising creature, not trying to be too nostalgic but whenever I see (people I know or don't) celebrate birthday, I kind of feel happy for them cause they have been so far.

Oh and, I finally bought this study table from IKEA, its the length of 2 tables, I never find myself with enough space when it comes to studying, hopefully this table could satisfy my thirst for "space".

So I had a conversation with my friend over "going to lessons alone", I got to say I am pretty impressed by what he said;

Me: "you dont feel bored going on course alone?"

Friend: "I went out with the intention to achieve something, so it's okay to go alone"

I really admire his attitude, cause I know I can't bring myself to do it.

Ever since young I have this phobia of being alone, thou ironically sometimes I wish I could be alone (thou that's a totally different story).

I have had this trauma of being really alone earlier this year, and until now the memory can still make me shiver.

I'm just so prone to loneliness.

I think as much as I'm passionate I can be really heartless and hurtful at times.

if you expect disappointments in life, then when they really happen, should you still feel disappointed?

it has been a really long time since i could lie on bed and laze around on a sunday afternoon

so i was surfing facebook and i saw this really interesting quote;

" Never hate people who are jealous of you,

but respect their jealous.

They're people who think that you're better than them "

cool shit.

i thought it was quite some time since i last blogged but meh turned out its only 5 days.

its funny how that all of us travel with the flow of time but we would lose track of it somehow, take for instant these 5 days felt like few weeks. and the beginning of this year felt like it was yesterday.

not to say next year is arriving

=\

im not afraid of turning old, infact i kind of look forward to it, but the passage of time can really freak me out big time.

its one of those things that make me feel so vulnerable, really.

PS: just being random i suddenly have the urge to watch a really sad show and cry badly tonight, but no luck on finding a good one!

i have been having weird dreams, like really really weird kind, and thats irritating :/

人们常常说，“你不了解我”。

可是，又有谁会自问，“我有真正尝试让你了解我吗？”

I swear the blonde jokes never get old;

"

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

"

Swelling bones.... seriously what is that?

Maybe one of those days when I'm much older I would look back at myself and think "ahhh, I was young and naive"

Anyway, tomorrow is the day, so fingers crossed again for that

Ok at this point of time I think a surgery is 80% unavoidable, gotta wait for the final review on this Wednesday thou.

hospital clinics never fail to make me nervous :/

Later will be my specialist review, few months ago I would have said I want an op, but even I don't know whats best for me now.

Whatever it is, fingers crossed.

Heading out for a food hunt now, like now, yea =)

Alright, I'm cleared by my physio therapist, next on, specialist review

I did nothing but sleep today, and I was satisfied.

I guess sometimes, achieving nothing gives you something in return. no?

Now this is what I call epic-ness;

oh well, I'm on one day MC, probably gonna sleep my way through ~_~

Ok, officially declare I'm sick, flu, fever, cough, if I'd continued on I would die no doubt

i find it fucking irritating then when i suggest something, others would not take it serioulsy and may even not pay attention to it but when others suggest the same thing, the rest would think its such a fantastic idea when earlier on i did suggest before.

From now on, anyone that uses unclear identity to post on my tag board will be banned immediately, no point chatting with people whom I've got no idea who he/she is.

On another note, my running nose is on a whole new level.

But no, no MC, I've got to work, work, work, I mean, that's almost all I have now, right?

haha

wait, who am I talking to?

crazy

no no no md you cant fall sick yet

A truly touching movie. Got me tearing

I.Am.Tired

maybe, its just a simple case of over-reaction

They say zero is a the end, I say its the beginning of something

There are so many things that I don't know and probably I will never know,

And what else can I say? I'm broken and wasted

but.

你开心就好，你开心就好。。。

Going on hiatus

Yea probably if there wasn't me everything would be better..

I'm feeling really cold

i had a really, really great day today :)

just take it head on like a man, lad

I nearly got caught by a car today, and I thought to myself "it might be better if I had not reacted quicker"

Yea, I'm freaked out by my own thoughts at times.

cant sleep. sigh

Feeling neglected.

The Script - I'm Yours

"I may not have the softest touch

I may not say the words as such

And though I may not look like much

I'm yours

And though my edges maybe rough

I never feel I'm quite enough

And it may not seem like very much

But I'm yours"

I had a nightmare, a real bad one, so bad that I woke up in cold sweats.

问题在于我，我需要时间对付这个失落感，也可能永远都不会好吧。

The problem lies with me, I need time to overcome this disappointment, and that's not a given.

坚持，是因为不想失去，还是对现在满足？

Just a post to remind the world that I'm still alive

"Why is everybody so serious

Acting like so damn mysterious"

I can't really comment on it now

I don't feel like talking

I'm gonna pick up tennis, like finally....

next in mind is fishing, ha.

First shout

So I've finally decided to change my blogskin, it didn't take me long to decide on one thou.

Anyway, just want to share this song that I suddenly remember of, never fail to touch me;

That's it for now =)

I felt like I got KO-ed by a sucker punch.

So what now, risk it all for better or worse? Or stick with current situation and pretend to be contented?

It happened again, maybe I'm really just a walking time bomb, maybe all that had happened to me were really just my fault.

I should be kept alone, I guess.

So many things, all I can say is, I don't know lah.

So I was doing my usual day job today and all of a sudden I thought of this one incident when I was young. I was caught "stealing" a basketball.

Ok to make things clear, back then in my primary school, we were forbidden to go to the sports equipment room, let alone use the things inside (which now I think back is kind of retarded, they could have just lock it -.-).

Anyway, being as mischievous as any young kid, I took the basketball from the room and invite my friend to play with me, thinking that I can return the ball before anyone could find out.

Well.. life isn't a fairytale, the teacher came before we could really start a game, and needless to say, we played the "who's the culprit" game.

So at that point of time, knowing that I'm the one at fault (and will eventually be found wanted), I panicked, I thought of ways to avoid this, like begging my friend to cover for me, I was so desperate that I wanted to pay my friend for it.

At last, I decided to admit that I was the one who took the ball, and well.. I don't really want to talk about what followed up :x

Just want to say that, I'm glad I did the right thing back then, because if I had done otherwise, I may just be very different from what I am now.

So here goes the end of my random story.

Have a great day people =)

I still can't beat the shadow

I always find this scene rather touching

Let It Be

Sometimes we cling on to something too long and hard that, we find it hard to let go

Sometimes we hate and love someone too much that we think it is impossible to forgive and forget

Sometimes the past, be it the sweet memories or the dreadful history, haunt us so much that we think there's no way we could move on.

I'm not a good practitioner, but all I can say is,

Let it be.

I always wished for a pair of wings

So yesterday I was doing up my resume for my scholarship application. And I suddenly realized something, that I'm a loser in life.

I always thought that I'm very good, but when I look at myself, the truth is, I've never achieved much.

Not only that, despite my age, I can't seem to get myself in checked, I don't know how to express myself, I don't know how to protect, I don't get the respect. Heck, what am I now?

Nothing

So yesterday I was doing up my resume for my scholarship application. And I suddenly realized something, that I'm a loser in life.

I always thought that I'm very good, but when I look at myself, the truth is, I've never achieved much.

Not only that, despite my age, I can't seem to get myself in checked, I don't know how to express myself, I don't know how to protect, I don't get the respect. Heck, what am I now?

Nothing

我很烦

I'm feeling unwell

你对我说，我对你真的很重要，你说了声再见，就走了

你可不知道，你对我有多么重要，而你这么一走，我又该怎么办？

Honest

I dont think we are ever totally honest to one another, I too, am a liar to an extent.

Fun Pack Song

Alright, so recently (well, not so recently's recently), in a practise NDP (NDP= national day parade, which is an event we hold every year to celebrate Singapore's birthday), there was this "fun pack song" being sang.

The objective of the song was to introduce whatever in the fun pack (which is basically a goodie bag that contains lots of stuffs, they were given to the spectators).

The song was so bad that I can't even find a sample of it on youtube, and due to the very bad reception, it was taken out from the NDP list of songs.

So this incident actually got me thinking "why does the fun pack song suck?"

Basically, I found out two reasons.

The first is, rather straight forward, it seriously suck (I've heard that and it's really bad for the ears, so don't bother finding it), it makes me wonder why no one pointed that out before it's being published.

The second is simply, the people. Now when I'm saying "people" I'm not talking about "people" that make the song, but ordinary "people" like me and you that condemned the song.

Songs, stories, they are similar to art, in the sense that their value are determined by the audience, even if the song suck like hell, yet people like it, it will be deemed good (e.g. any justin bieber songs that you can find), so, in a way, I believe, the citizens make this song suck.

Now this actually bring up an interesting topic, what is wrong with Singaporeans?

One common trait I realized about Singaporeans is that (myself included), we are always complaining, be it on the train timing, the taxi fare, the chicken rice price, the GST, we are ALWAYS complaining.

We tend to look at the bad side of things than the good side of it.

And we have very low self esteem on our own production, it's like, we will always have this prejudice that "the other country is better".

All in all, it's this prejudice that's really damaging.

So why, why did this happen?

It has really got to do with our "foreign talent" policy, now I'm not pointing the finger at it and blame it totally, but our natural born negativity, coupled with the policy, really gives a bad chemical mix in my opinion.

The truth is, if we don't even feel that we are the superior group in our own homeland, then where would we be able to feel so?

I hope for the best.

I feel that, this world is too full of prejudices and assumptions.

I want to learn yoga. Anyone wants to learn together?

Rehab

I admit I'm a person that can really procrastinate on things even if I know it will benefit me greatly, but the short term benefit (laziness) more often than not overwhelms the long term benefit for me.

This time, it's different thou, the doc had given me a list of exercises that I should complete every day and night so that my ankle could recover.

To say the truth, I'm really not too sure if it would help but I guess no harm trying, and I ought to.

I don't know if it's just me or what but I find that people that keep posting on facebook like how they are prepared for NS, or constantly counting down for NS on facebook as serious losers who are attracting attention.

I need honesty, I need directness.

Random. About. Me

I'm a guy.

I'm 21.

I do sports.

I love sports.

I love frisbee, soccer, basketball, floorball, handball.

I like to run.

I hate being restricted.

I'm having this ankle sprain.

I hate ankle sprain.

I missed school.

But I love NS.

^ Most of the time.

I like watermelon,

and apple,

and honeydew,

I like apple + orange + ginger juice

If not, watermelon is fine for me.

I love icecream,

chocolatechip's the best

I'm in love with gundam models,

I have 2,

My sis took one thou, and it has been under construction ever since.

I like to read, all sorts of books, depends on my mood.

I could read fast, I could read slow.

Fastest book that I finished was harry potter, just a few hours.

Longest? Lord of the ring, 1 year for the whole series.

I find human brain fascinating.

I like romance movie as much as I like horror

I think action movies nowadays are a late down

I talk to myself at times when I'm alone

and no I don't have split personalities.

I like to listen to music, retro pop, and pop.

I soul search once in a while.

Sometimes I just like to stay so quiet that I want to be non existence

Sometimes I want to be known.

I am random,

as shown on this post.

I have dark secrets about me,

that I will probably keep with me into my grave.

I dream

I hope.

But I'm paranoid.

I'm an optimist most of the time,

but when I'm down, its real bad.

I hate failures,

But I hate it even more if I never put up a good fight.

I consider myself a sore loser when it comes to a match.

I'm fine with that thou.

I like cute stuffs,

I like cool stuffs.

I hate it when people don't reply to my SMS.

Especially so if the SMS contains important messages.

I don't like to be asked a lot of questions when I just woke up.

I love the wild.

I have this ambition to complete a Chinese novel one day,

speaking of which, I think it's a disgrace that people forget their root language.

I also want to travel the world one day.

I wish to stay healthy.

I like IT.

But I dont think I'm qualified to be an IT geek.

Sometimes I think the whole world is stupid.

Sometimes I find I'm the dumbest person on Earth.

I have quite a lot of regrets,

but I think I have learnt to live with it

I'm not a mind reader,

I suck at guessing thoughts or hints

That's about me

Suddenly remember this song while I was reading "Eat Pray Love", there's actually no much link between this song and that story, but well, still worth listening to thou.

心情不好，but its okay,明天会更好吧？

Here I thought the Phuket saga was over but na its not, so during the Phuket stay there was some serious cock up with the hotel and we have to call Singapore to get our side people to help.

All the conversations were done through my phone and at the end of the day, the phone bill for overseas call alone was $138, and when i asked if they could pay me back some they made me sound like i'm begging for the money.

seriously, wtf.

today review was... bad, not bad in the sense that my ankle was, but the whole thing sucked.

MMI thought that NUH could access my MRI scan results, turned out they couldn't =\

on the brighter note, KL was fun, and I cant wait to be back to NS, with no hint of sarcasm (ok, maybe just a bit!)

Alright its the big day today, fingers crossed for myself!

I need something to look forward to

I don't know if its just me but i find that people that want to convey an important message through facebook post (note underlined) instead of texting as hardly retarded and inefficient.

Phuket

I think its not wrong to say that I have really learnt a lot from this trip, and grow a lot, it's funny how much 5D4N can do to you but trust me, it can really change you. This is more of a self-assessment thing so yea, bear with me if you bother to read, I won't promise it's gonna be an enjoyable read but I can assure you that this, is really written from the bottom of my heart.

This post will be divided in 4 parts, the first being this, followed by The Good, The Bad, and Truth Session

So.. Firstly, lets talk about...

(The Good)

Well, Phuket is pretty much well known for its water activities, and its attractive beaches, night life, and wild life. Sad to say, (due to budget constraint), I did not get to do a single water activity, unless you consider swimming as one, but I did go to the beach and I really really liked the place, it kind of reminds me of pulau ubin but of cause, a high technology one.

I did live shooting, thou my shooting skill kind of suck, 3 hits out of 10 =\ at least it kind of prove that I'm not cut out to kill. And then obviously there's the go kart.

Anddddddd, most importantly, I did bungee jump! like seriously can you believe it? It may be lame to say but its one of the goals in my life, I longed to do a jump ever since I'm like.. 12? and the feeling was great, thou my balls literally shrink when the elevator was going to the highest point, but the whole experience was great =)

I did elephant trekking too, you know how TV always show an elephant ride to be slow and steady, well let me tell you, its not, the seats are jerky, and when the elephant is going downslope, you feel like you are being thrown off the back! and despite popular belief, seating of its neck is much, much more comfortable.

White water rafting was crazy, its all bumpy and wet, I thought I was gonna cap sized anytime, but I guess the crazier it is, the more fun it is =D

So of cause there's the night life, I'm not really a night life kind of person so... I didn't go to the bar, thou I had a few drinks, but that's about it.

(The Bad)

Nothing is perfect, so there goes my trip, while I have nothing bad to say about Phuket (almost nothing, besides the f**ked up indian shop owner who scolds me). I do have bad occurrences at there, particularly with my friends, which sadly, is basically the main reason why I am making this post.

So basically I traveled with 3 of my good friends together, and yea, lets just name them A, B and C. So like what I wrote in "The Good", mention Phuket to people and everyone would think of all the fun, the activities that await.

I got to say that B & C really disappointed me greatly, first off, I did notify them that we will be playing water sports, go kart, and every other thing at there, and when we were there, B & C refuse to play because they think those things are expensive and thus back out, now that's turned off number 1.

Turned off number 2, instead of following us (me and A) to the go karts and places, they rather stay at the hotel and crack the same I-poke-your-ass-you-are-a-gay jokes or your-mother-is-blablabla insults or wa-that-chick-is-damn-hot-I-want-to-XXX comments, which to say the truth I'm getting sick with.

So on the next day after me and A were done with the activities, we decided to rest in the hotel for a day and when we proposed that to B & C, guess what's their respond? "don't want la stay in hotel like very waste time", turned off number 3.

Like hellllooo? what did you guys do yesterday? Didn't you guys 'waste time' too?

and that brings turned off number 4, they went shopping around the market, and when they were back they were like "hey check this out the uncle offered me this shirt for 800 baht but i managed to bargain till 400 baht, now that's what i called value for money", if it's just a one shot thing I'm totally fine with it, but this is what they did for the rest of the Phuket trip!

God dammit they travel there to only shop? Gosh I bet my female friends are better than that.

This leads to turned off number 5, for the rest of the day they keep trying to push the point that we "wasted money playing go kart and etc" and that "we bargained so much in the market", in conclusion, their idea was "you guys waste money while we saved, we seriously can't understand why you guys would spend so much money".

Turned off number 6, maybe it's just me, but I really don't get what's the point of saving money DURING an overseas trip and waste it away in Singapore, as the saying goes, save for the rainy days, you don't save during the rainy days do you? and now you guys ( B & C ) back out from the games just because you guys want to save money, sorry but I think it's seriously bullshit.

Turned off number 7, despite what I stated in (6), I actually do understand why people do save, but just like I am able to understand why you guys save, I really hope they could understand why we spent instead of just brushing us off as "wasting money", its not like we paid for the same thing as them but different price. and that between go kart and some fake jersey, you really can't find any connection between them can you?

Turned off number 8, probably the biggest turned off out of all, back to the point, I thought they were just desperate to save money, but in fact they were far more cheapskate than that, alright, so for the 3rd night, when they think they were really running out of money, they suggested to pay on our own meal, and on the 4th night, when they order so much more, they suggested to divide instead.

Turned off number 9, they went shopping (like again), and found a go kart that's 50 baht/min, which is cheaper than what we paid, they made so much effort to prove their point, if they did play then i got nothing to say, but the thing is they only went to check the price, which to me is really wtf.

Turned off number 10, and when I thought they were just being cheapskate, they are the truth ultimate showing of "money spoils friendship", okay so A and C actually paid a total of 7K deposit fee (A paid 3000 and C paid 4000), on the check out date itself, we realize that the hotel actually used some of the 7K cause of some charges, and that we didn't get back the expected return of 7K, and C, despite A having little cash, shouts "I want my fucking money back", which A has no choice but to comply, thus giving C all the money A has, C's reason for that? "I want to buy souvenir for my grandma", yea like A don't have to, and the fact that B & C have been practically shopping these few days make it more wtf than it already is.

(Truth Session)

This is kinda out of the blues but I do realize that there's a difference between... I should say old friends (sec sch and earlier) and new friends (poly and later) really treat me different.

Alright.. back when I was younger, my temper was really bad, I flared up on almost everything that irks me, I would burst and shout when something is going against my way.

But I have changed, over the years, I won't say I have the best anger management around but now I get angry when I really have to, and when I want to make a point I actually say it out.

My newer friends would be able to understand that, as in when I am angry or upset they will really consider what they did wrongly and when I made a point they will actually think about it.

This is totally different for my older friends, somehow I still feel that they have this prejudice that "whenever MD is upset, it must be his bad temper again" and whenever I raised my voice a bit to make a point, they will think "damn, look, this is MD for you"

Now this really saddens me quite a great deal because I really wish that my older friends could change the mindset, but the truth is even my best of friends from back then somehow still have this thought about me.

I don't know its a case of retribution but I think its really frustrating at times, I can't even show an inch of anger or discontentment infront of them for fear of being misunderstood.

Sometimes I really think that I am a bad person =\

I AM BACK, gosh there's so many things I wanna say, but I'm tired, and there's NS tomorrow (life's a bitch ya know). So yea, I should head for bed, so, see you!

I

CANT

WAIT!!

Time and time again I would reminisce the feeling of kicking a soccer ball, kicking it to where I actually want it to be, sigh

I've made up my mind, I'm gonna do bungee jump, just in case anything happens, I love all of you guys. Lol

My 21st birthday is coming in a few days time, i know im supposed to be excited like most people do but im not, well im not actually bothered by the age issue but birthday (my own birthday) is not exactly something that will make me go high eh.

I know its pretty.. awkward to say this but I have this strong feeling that something (bad) may happen to me in the overseas trip

To me, things are simply, I understand that there are grey areas in life, but when it comes to an answer, its either yes/no.

To put it simply, I despise time waster, and time waster shall get no time spared from me, since its pretty pointless, isn't it?

It's only a few days more but what the heck I can't wait for my phuket trip anymore!

Er.. just did a research on ankle surgery, and it doesn't look too good, as in that i probably will be immobile for at least 1 month, ahh.. i need all the mental support i can get =\

每看一次哭一次，太感伤了。

“我以后，不要再这么笨就好了”

Alright, so I called up Tiger Airway, asking for a flight change, and I was pretty amazed that it costs me $138 SGD to change the return trip (for a pair of ticket).

And whats more amazing than that? If I buy a pair of air tickets at Tiger Airway, from KL to Singapore, same timing as the one I wanted to change to, it costs only $88 SGD!

What logic =\

assumptions assumptions assumptions, this world is full of it, too much of it and one becomes insensitive, reckless, a lack of it would make one over cautious, oh, this is a world full of irony, no?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE ULCERS!

It just keeps growing bigger and bigger and bigger!

I hope the ulcer gel i just bought works, its seriously killing me =(

best quote of the day;

me: "mama i bought this gel for mouth ulcer, heard from my friends it works well"

mama: "this gel... can put into mouth 1 not?"

O_O

my mum never fails to amuse me

Not Me

I've probably talked about it somewhere in my blog before, but today this quote suddenly flash in my mind again, i heard it when i was in an enrichment course (which certainly isnt very enlightening, duh!)

the quote is good thou;

"Life is like juggling two balls, one is a rubber ball, your career, one is a crystal ball, your loved ones, you juggle them simultaneously, but at times when you know you cant handle both and you have to drop one, drop the rubber ball, cause it will bounce back to you, the crystal ball? you may pick it up, but it will never be the same again"

So true, and good

So today I took the usual 132 home, I dropped at the usual bus stop, but something was different, immediately after I drop off, I suffer a hiccup.

And I WALK all the way from the bus stop back to my house with the stupid hiccup, which is around 3km.

On the way home, I tried many different ways to stop it, holding my breathe, etc etc. To no avail thou!

Finally when I'm back home, I gush down a cup of water, and I'm back to normal, after hiccuping for like.. 10mins++?

So here goes my small and meaningless incident today, just writing here cause its actually pretty amusing to me, since this is the longest hiccup I have ever had

So today I was on my usual 132 heading to work, the only thing different was that the bus broke down, engine over heated to be specific, the whole bus stinks but none of us are able to get out cause it was a high traffic road and the bus captain doesnt want to risk us.

so what do I do? I observe, I saw the JC kids making light of the situation, I saw some JC chicks take out their notes, like as if every second counts, I saw the auntie and uncle panicking like the world is coming to an end, I saw the bus driver busy trying to calm the people down.

In a small bus not more than 40 people, I see so many different people that react differently to a same situation.

It kind of amazes me, really.

I'm wishing my weekend to be longer, then again I just had a long weekend, how much greedier I can get =S

I find it scary how that just a few months could change someone whom you thought you knew into someone you totally dont know.

Perhaps its just a change of perspective

No offence to fellow vegetarians, I admire your dedication but for a non-vegetarian like me, a non-meat meal is simply ridiculous

It seems that the more I try to slim down, theres more good (and fatty) food that come to me!

If this is a test from god, just kill me

Okay, finally, the renovation is over, I never thought I could survive with that space shuttle-liked shower + toilet for 9 days, but I did.

I never thought I could survive with all the mess in my house for 9 days, but I did.

All in all, Im just glad its over

Watched this show just recently, its old, an old old show, but its definitely one of the nicest, you know, those days when movies really strive on good plot rather than all the kabooms and zoom zoom's.

I really like the song "I wanna grow old with you" at the end, oh and the other classical songs sang in this movie are fantastic as well, go and hit up this movie, its a must watch.

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

Alright, Im gonna have a very special belated birthday gift, an ankle operation on 18july, how cool is that hur

Cant wait for my orthopedic board this week

Well if you have the cheek to tell me to grow up, at least I have the cheek to tell you that at least as a small kid I treasure friendship more than you do

alright maybe I am not the best person to judge this issue, but anyway, my friend is organising his 21st birthday party this Saturday, its kinda a last min thing but to say the truth I am a bit upset and disappointed with my another friend who can't attend

I give him the benefit of the doubt that he's really not free but at least he could have dropped by after his event since he says he will be free after 8 and we will probably be staying overnight at the birthday boy's house. but all he said was "nah I don't think I can make it", to say the truth, I don't know what he will be doing on Saturday but to totally turn down an invitation for 21st birthday without even considering? I don't know what to make of it really.

today i witness the departure of the head of department, while i never get to interact much with him, i can certainly tell he is a great man and great leader, i wish him all the best in his future endeavors.

Need no reminder, tomorrow is Monday =\

Just a song before I go to bed.

Good night :)

I'm still waiting

I am hardly a believer, but I need a miracle, I can wait for it, but I need it, the people upstairs, you do know why I need it, don't you?

I admit, sudden change of event can really kill off my mood.

I remember you said "eat fast food die faster!" while I was eating long john, and I almost thought you were around and you would nag the hell out of me, but its not meant to be

After such a long time (well, at least for me), I am back in blogging for the time being, I couldn't help but start my revival with a rather... you know, anti-happy post, but still I have to do it, to convey some message, even if that somebody isn't gonna read it.

So.. Life is, well, same, still a mess, still the same mess as few days back (and probably more), but I am still living, and isn't it good in a way? The only thing I realize is that, bragging ain't getting you anywhere, so, just live with it.

Anyway, recently I've been watching this show...

下一站，幸福

最近才刚看完的一部片，虽然算是旧片了吧，不过故事写的很好，连我这种人也迫不及待地看完呢。我想，戏里的幸福应该是所有人所奢望的吧？不过，终究是戏，而我们这些人，又有多少能够真正的幸福呢。

Even deserts rain at times, and the sky is not sun shiny 24/7, so its obvious that me, a mere human, is vulnerable to emotion sadness.

I am sad, disappointed, with a bit of anger , I didn't expect out of all the people I know, you would hurt me.

I cry for many nights.

For the first few nights, I cried cause I was sad.

For the next few nights, I cried cause I was disappointed.

I cried then, cause I was in despair.

And now? I still cry occasionally, I still feel the sadness and the disappointment and whatever you can think of, but it's more like I'm crying for the sake of crying.

I am hurt pretty badly when few days after we said that "we will continue to talk for everyday", all these happen just so suddenly.

I am shattered into pieces when that night, I begged for your answer, asking you to say something, you simply didn't care, you wasn't even moved, not even a word coming from you.

It makes me feels so insignificant, I don't know when have I become so insignificant to you, or was I ever significant to you? It doesn't even matter now, right?

All the good memories that I have with you, come back to haunt me everyday everynight everymoment of my life.

I can never expect that, for someone who was once hurt so badly like you, for someone who was taught the pain of being left alone like you, would come and hurt me.

I do not know what to say of this, but thanks to you (with no hint of sarcasm) , I think I somehow lost the sense of care in me, I am able to go out alone now, in fact, I rather be alone, I am able to take it when people ignore me, I do not rely on others that much anymore, cause I know there is no point in expecting things from people around me when they will disappoint me one day.

Don't get me wrong, I have not become a robot, I still enjoy when I am with people, I still laugh when people joke, I still cry when there's sadness, but it's just that I don't want to care anymore, or rather, I can't seem to care anymore even when I want to. Afterall, I don't see the need to do it.

Thanks.

"Nothing haunts like the things we don't say"

I have said all the things I want to say to you, well, not exactly all, but most of it. And I meant every word I said.

Now is your turn, if silence is the only thing you want to have, I will not force you. But if there is anything you want to say to me, please do, you can shout across the streets, or whisper it quietly to me.

I am ready to listen, anytime

2011 is really a very bad start for me.

My ankle got injured and until now I have yet to recover, going TTSH tomorrow to follow up on it.

someone leaves me suddenly.

and when I thought that I could bury myself in work, something happened to me in my workplace and my current job might be in jeopardy.

it couldnt be worse than this, can it?

After almost 21years of my life, I did something that is very stupid to myself yesterday night.

But then, who gives a shit, you dont care anymore, so why should I give a damn

Doc says my ankle is so bad that xray cant determine any causes, he says my ankle is pretty screwed up

Gonna do a MRI scan next week.

Will I ever get to run again?

Nothing has gone right ever since the beginning of this year.

nothing

我知道哭是没有用的，可是我现在只会哭。教教我，我该做什么？

I'm still harboring hope that one day when i woke up, everything will be back to normal. Is it a dream too far?

i feel like im dying

im not good im not good im not good at all. i hate the state im in now, i hate to even talk about it, i keep trying to sleep so that i will suffer less, but i have been crying, i cant seem to cheer up, im damn lost, i need help but i dont know what sort of help i need, i dunno what to write on here to express how or what i am feeling now i just feel like typing on forever and ever, at least it keeps my mind occupied, why cant i stop crying why cant i act like a man why am i so freaking weak over all these. fuck all this.

Don't know what's wrong with my stomach, keep having diarrhea, for almost one week already =\

I'm doing good these few days, perhaps its cause I'm busy with chinese new year, lots of ang baos, family reunions =)

I will be happier if you are better thou.

How are you now?

Are you doing good?

I could still remember, vividly. But does it still matters?

On a brighter note, I like this song

If there is something that is stuck within you and you dont feel well if you dont say it, but you know that nothing good might come out of it if you do say it, will you say it or will you not?

what would you do, so should I do?

Im not feeling happy, Im kinda lost, who can help me?

有时我觉得，我比女人还更像女人

Ah, I'm returning after my long MC.

我读着，读着。。。 我哭了

我不知道是因为你而哭

还是为了我自己

不过。。我哭了。

人们常说...

受过伤的人,

就像是倾斜的柱子

而倾斜的柱子

永远都支撑不了对方

我却觉得...

就是因为柱子倾斜

就是因为彼此受过伤

两个人，才能彼此相靠

Have you ever wished for a sec that moments could be grabbed?

Like just reach out your hand and you could feel it, you could grab it, you could put it in your pocket, or a bottle, so that when you missed that moment, you could just look at it and feel and everything came back?

And if you really could do it, what would the colors be? red for happy moments, black for sad moments?

I'm just dreaming =)

So Im here sitting, facing the laptop, in the middle of the night, doing nothing but staring at blank space and letting my mind go wild.

When was the last time I did this? I cant remember, it's way before i enter in army, thats when i had so much time, now its like, so different, i feel the urgency, i feel the need of time, and thats why i gotta spend quality time with quality people.

Spraining my ankle is obviously not a good thing but im starting to see the positive of this, i have some "me" time.

Usually when I am doing this kinda thing it only shows that im sad, or, sad. But tonight its different.

I'm feeling at ease, why so i do not know.

And i sure hope it lasts.

I injured my right ankle again =\ and its worse than usual this time.

“在我的人生中只有两条路，要么赶紧死，要么精彩地活着”

-中国达人秀，刘伟

So I'm back from Ubin, its a pretty decent place, although it doesn't look good initially when we just reached there, but hey it sure was fun =D

I miss kayaking, I miss sun tanning, I miss the sun there, I miss the mountain walk.

And whats the major party spoiler? Back to army =\