So recently my friends have been asking me lots of why's, "why haven't you been playing games with us?", "why haven't you watch soccer with us for so long", it's not that i'm not interested or i am intentionally doing that, just that my passion currently lies with someone whom i think is worth putting on.

"We tried to fuck and instead,

we wound up making love."

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I know this line is weird but, this has got to be one of the best lines ever.

Someone left me before, scarred.

And since then I never felt the same again.

I've got to be honest, there are things that I haven't gotten over in my life, and a small fraction of it I will never get over with, it kind of sucks when you keep having nightmares of those incidents, it's like a broken record that keeps on playing and you don't know how to stop it at all.

On a brighter note, today is an eventful day, I celebrated a friend's 21st, I like birthday parties even thou I consider myself not a socialising creature, not trying to be too nostalgic but whenever I see (people I know or don't) celebrate birthday, I kind of feel happy for them cause they have been so far.

Oh and, I finally bought this study table from IKEA, its the length of 2 tables, I never find myself with enough space when it comes to studying, hopefully this table could satisfy my thirst for "space".

So I had a conversation with my friend over "going to lessons alone", I got to say I am pretty impressed by what he said;

Me: "you dont feel bored going on course alone?"

Friend: "I went out with the intention to achieve something, so it's okay to go alone"

I really admire his attitude, cause I know I can't bring myself to do it.

Ever since young I have this phobia of being alone, thou ironically sometimes I wish I could be alone (thou that's a totally different story).

I have had this trauma of being really alone earlier this year, and until now the memory can still make me shiver.

I'm just so prone to loneliness.

I think as much as I'm passionate I can be really heartless and hurtful at times.

if you expect disappointments in life, then when they really happen, should you still feel disappointed?

it has been a really long time since i could lie on bed and laze around on a sunday afternoon

so i was surfing facebook and i saw this really interesting quote;

" Never hate people who are jealous of you,

but respect their jealous.

They're people who think that you're better than them "

cool shit.

i thought it was quite some time since i last blogged but meh turned out its only 5 days.

its funny how that all of us travel with the flow of time but we would lose track of it somehow, take for instant these 5 days felt like few weeks. and the beginning of this year felt like it was yesterday.

not to say next year is arriving

=\

im not afraid of turning old, infact i kind of look forward to it, but the passage of time can really freak me out big time.

its one of those things that make me feel so vulnerable, really.

PS: just being random i suddenly have the urge to watch a really sad show and cry badly tonight, but no luck on finding a good one!

i have been having weird dreams, like really really weird kind, and thats irritating :/